Marit Wiechmann

There are many coming out stories and for most trans* people they are amazingly similar, even though we all have very individual paths. That’s why I don’t want to go into my various coming-out stories.

I am 60 years old and have been living openly as a woman for almost four years – 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. My environment had to experience this quite abruptly. Apart from my partner and a few trusted people, nobody was prepared. Nevertheless, hardly anything changed for anyone when I suddenly walked out the door as a woman. Here I would like to describe what inspired me on my journey and what brought my life out of the gray area.

My first appearance as a woman at a seminar group meeting was a big moment for me. Apart from a brief email, I hadn’t let anyone know about my change beforehand. As I hadn’t seen some of the participants for a while, not everyone recognized me straight away – but I felt the same way. I was initially taken aback, but then the ice was broken and the unanimous opinion was that the ladies present (including me) had held up better than the more or less aged men. When I was accepted into the group of women as a matter of course, it was clear that I had arrived in my own world.

Hormone therapy wasn’t actually my goal, but I didn’t want to lose my hair, so I agreed to replace testosterone with oestrogen. What I didn’t know was that it wasn’t just my body that would change and suddenly become sensitive to cold and less strong. I was also suddenly able to perceive and allow my feelings. Sometimes I stood in the kitchen and had tears in my eyes for no external reason – with happiness that all this was still possible for me, which I would never have expected before. Later, there were also sad occasions to cry, such as goodbyes or broken friendships.

Self-confidence was never my thing as a man. Why should I be, I was a creature that wasn’t at peace with myself. I was always defensive, afraid of making mistakes or embarrassing myself. I was almost invisible because of my caution.

This was most noticeable at work. My colleagues accepted me, even though I often went out on a limb and sometimes had to back down.

Are women at a disadvantage compared to men at work? Yes, and this is mainly due to structural reasons rather than differences in personality. Nevertheless, as a late-career woman with a male socialization, I always automatically see the (working) world from two perspectives. On the one hand, I know the “typical male” behavioral patterns such as competitive thinking or fear of failure and can adapt to them. On the other hand, in recent years I have developed “typically female” characteristics such as communication skills, empathy and a willingness to cooperate, and I consciously use these to achieve the respective team goal. It never ceases to amaze me that I am much more effective in my working environment as a woman than I was previously in my imposed male role.

An important prerequisite for my transition was the support I received from my employer. The management’s statement in favor of diversity and against discrimination allowed me to embark on my journey without any existential fears. However, I received hardly any support with the practical implementation. I had to work out every step myself and obtain the necessary information. I also had no role models in my working environment apart from a colleague in the queer company network who had managed to change her first name.

I wanted to improve this situation and started offering online training sessions on the topic of transgender and also wrote a company guide. My presentations are now well attended and contribute to the visibility of transgender issues in the workplace. They bring the topic out of the dark taboo corner. We have received a lot of positive feedback on our transgender guide and an English-language version is due to be published soon. Volunteers have already come forward to translate it into other national languages.

So I started to offer my experience in the corporate environment as a consulting service for other companies. However, visibility or reach is crucial in online business and I still have a lot to achieve in this area. My new project has potential, but still has a long way to go.

I would like to conclude my thoughts with a personal experience that has shown me that I am on the right path. A few weeks ago, I saw an attractive woman through a window in a building with lots of glass. Only the upper half of her face was visible and she maintained intense eye contact. I immediately liked her and wanted to reach out and speak to her. As I started to move, I realized that I already knew her. This woman was me – reflected in the window glass at dusk.

There are many beautiful, small and big events and developments on my path – just like on the path of all other trans* people. I would like to share this here in order to focus on the positive in these difficult times.

dear marit, thank you very much for YourStory!