There are many coming out stories and for most trans* people they are amazingly similar, even though we all have very individual paths. That’s why I don’t want to go into my various coming-out stories.

I am 60 years old and have been living openly as a woman for almost four years – 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. My environment had to experience this quite abruptly. Apart from my partner and a few trusted people, nobody was prepared. Nevertheless, hardly anything changed for anyone when I suddenly walked out the door as a woman. Here I would like to describe what inspired me on my journey and what brought my life out of the gray area.

My first appearance as a woman at a seminar group meeting was a big moment for me. Apart from a brief email, I hadn’t let anyone know about my change beforehand. As I hadn’t seen some of the participants for a while, not everyone recognized me straight away – but I felt the same way. I was initially taken aback, but then the ice was broken and the unanimous opinion was that the ladies present (including me) had held up better than the more or less aged men. When I was accepted into the group of women as a matter of course, it was clear that I had arrived in my own world.

Hormone therapy wasn’t actually my goal, but I didn’t want to lose my hair, so I agreed to replace testosterone with oestrogen. What I didn’t know was that it wasn’t just my body that would change and suddenly become sensitive to cold and less strong. I was also suddenly able to perceive and allow my feelings. Sometimes I stood in the kitchen and had tears in my eyes for no external reason – with happiness that all this was still possible for me, which I would never have expected before. Later, there were also sad occasions to cry, such as goodbyes or broken friendships.

Self-confidence was never my thing as a man. Why should I be, I was a creature that wasn’t at peace with myself. I was always defensive, afraid of making mistakes or embarrassing myself. I was almost invisible because of my caution.

This was most noticeable at work. My colleagues accepted me, even though I often went out on a limb and sometimes had to back down.

Are women at a disadvantage compared to men at work? Yes, and this is mainly due to structural reasons rather than differences in personality. Nevertheless, as a late-career woman with a male socialization, I always automatically see the (working) world from two perspectives. On the one hand, I know the “typical male” behavioral patterns such as competitive thinking or fear of failure and can adapt to them. On the other hand, in recent years I have developed “typically female” characteristics such as communication skills, empathy and a willingness to cooperate, and I consciously use these to achieve the respective team goal. It never ceases to amaze me that I am much more effective in my working environment as a woman than I was previously in my imposed male role.

An important prerequisite for my transition was the support I received from my employer. The management’s statement in favor of diversity and against discrimination allowed me to embark on my journey without any existential fears. However, I received hardly any support with the practical implementation. I had to work out every step myself and obtain the necessary information. I also had no role models in my working environment apart from a colleague in the queer company network who had managed to change her first name.

I wanted to improve this situation and started offering online training sessions on the topic of transgender and also wrote a company guide. My presentations are now well attended and contribute to the visibility of transgender issues in the workplace. They bring the topic out of the dark taboo corner. We have received a lot of positive feedback on our transgender guide and an English-language version is due to be published soon. Volunteers have already come forward to translate it into other national languages.

So I started to offer my experience in the corporate environment as a consulting service for other companies. However, visibility or reach is crucial in online business and I still have a lot to achieve in this area. My new project has potential, but still has a long way to go.

I would like to conclude my thoughts with a personal experience that has shown me that I am on the right path. A few weeks ago, I saw an attractive woman through a window in a building with lots of glass. Only the upper half of her face was visible and she maintained intense eye contact. I immediately liked her and wanted to reach out and speak to her. As I started to move, I realized that I already knew her. This woman was me – reflected in the window glass at dusk.

There are many beautiful, small and big events and developments on my path – just like on the path of all other trans* people. I would like to share this here in order to focus on the positive in these difficult times.

dear marit, thank you very much for YourStory!

We have decided to move away from the term “LGBT*IQ”. The spectrum is constantly expanding and it is important to us to include all sexual orientations and gender identities in our communication.

Instead, we are using the term “queer” from this year onwards. Queer is a collective term for all people whose gender identity and/or sexual orientation is not binary, cisgender and/or heterosexual.

The term is characterized by the fact that it does not sharply delineate identities, but that its meaning is constantly shifting. In this way, we ensure that we really address everyone and do not exclude anyone.

Our slogan “LGBT*IQ concerns everyone.” becomes “Queer concerns everyone.” – because it concerns us ALL!

Do you have any questions? Feel free to send us a message via our social media channels or an email to info@proutatwork.de.

Zuerst ein paar Fakten über mich: Ich bin 29 Jahre alt, trans* und lebe seit etwas mehr als fünf Jahren als Frau. Aufgewachsen bin ich in einer Kleinstadt in Süddeutschland, wohne aber nach einigen Stationen hier und da mittlerweile in Düsseldorf. Dort arbeite ich bei einem Versicherungsunternehmen als Aktuarin und bin im LGBTIQ+ Mitarbeitenden-Netzwerk aktiv.

Als Aktuarin beschäftige ich mich viel mit Formeln und Zahlen. Ich setze mich zum Beispiel mittels mathematisch-statistischer Methoden mit der Modellierung, Bewertung und Steuerung von Risiken auseinander – bin also ziemlich rational im Job unterwegs. Gleichzeitig freue ich mich als Teil des LGBTIQ+ Netzwerks über jeden Austausch mit Menschen, um Gedanken, Gefühle und Perspektiven besser verstehen zu können, insbesondere zu Themen aus dem Bereich DEI (Diversity, Equity and Inclusion) und LGBTIQ+. Daraus können viele Ideen und Verständnis entstehen und ein gemeinsames, inklusives Miteinander wachsen. Beide Seiten der Arbeit machen mir viel Spaß!

Im Umgang mit geschlechtlicher Vielfalt am Arbeitsplatz stehen für mich folgende Fragen im Fokus:

• Schweigt man über einen wichtigen Teil der eigenen Identität oder kann man offen damit umgehen?
• Kann man ein authentisches Selbst mit der Welt, den Mitmenschen und den Personen im Arbeitsumfeld teilen?
• Wird man angenommen, wie man ist?
• Funktioniert der Arbeitsplatz als System für eine Person?
• Wird inklusiv mit Personen, Identitäten und ihren verschiedenen Bedürfnissen umgegangen?

Es geht um die Fragen: Wer bin ich? Wer möchte ich sein? Und dann auch: Kann ich diese Person am Arbeitsplatz sein? Diese Fragen sind sehr tiefgreifend. Das zu erkunden und herauszufinden war ein langer Weg für mich, der auch nie wirklich zu Ende sein wird, denke ich. Ein essenzieller Teil meines Weges waren die Menschen, die ich um mich hatte.

Sie haben manche Fragen gestellt, aber gleichzeitig oftmals keine Fragen gestellt und mein Sein sich einen Weg bahnen lassen.  Das Gefühl, wenn sich etwas richtig anfühlt, ist unglaublich erfüllend und überwältigend. Dieses Gefühl musste ich zulassen können. Mit diesen Menschen habe ich viele dieser Momente zusammen erleben dürfen: gemeinsam Sport zu machen, den eigenen Körper wahrzunehmen und eine Beziehung dazu aufzubauen, den Körper als Medium des Ausdrucks zu nutzen, zu tanzen; Kleidung, Make-Up, Musik und Kunst als Interaktion mit der Außenwelt zu sehen und zu nutzen. In ihrer Vielfalt können sie so viel ausdrücken: Freude, Freiheit, Stärke und das Gefühl, die Welt umarmen zu wollen – aber genauso Ruhe, Schwäche, Trauer und das Gefühl, sich unter einer Decke verkriechen zu wollen. All das hat eine Dynamik in sich, die mir sehr viel gegeben und mir geholfen hat, die Fragen „Wer bin ich? Und wer möchte ich sein?“ zu erkunden.

Dabei führe ich gern Gespräche auf einer sehr menschlichen Ebene, die etwas Verbindendes ist, ohne dass man sich lange kennt. Menschlichkeit zu spüren und sich zuzuhören kann viel verändern: Man wird sich besser der eigenen Perspektive bewusst und erkennt auch eigene Privilegien. Gleichzeitig erweitert man die eigene Perspektive und sieht auch die Zusammenhänge und systemischen Aspekte. Sich über Erlebnisse, Gedanken, Empfindungen, Gefühle und Wahrnehmungen auszutauschen und dabei eine Verbindung zu Menschen zu spüren, ist ein Aspekt von Vielfalt, auch geschlechtlicher Vielfalt, den ich sehr wertvoll finde.

Liebe julia, vielen Dank für YourStory!

When I came out to my single mother at the time, she didn’t know what to make of it because she was unfamiliar with same-sex partnerships. After a few attempts to explain, she simply said: “Emre, all your life you’ve known how to tell the good from the bad and always take the right path. If this way of life is right for you, then I’ll support you.” That really was one of the best moments of my life and strengthened the bond between my mother and me. Because it wasn’t always easy …

I didn’t get my A-levels, but after graduating from secondary school, I completed my intermediate school leaving certificate and then trained as a personnel services manager. While working, I completed further training to become a business administrator and thus gained admission to university. Happily, I rocked both my Bachelor of Law and my Master of Science in HR alongside my job.

I didn’t have much free time back then, but it had always been my lifelong dream to study. From my perspective at the time, I always associated studying with a privilege for people from a good family background with a corresponding financial background.

In my life, ethnic discrimination meant that I was told at school, for example, that I wouldn’t have many opportunities because of my ‘background’. Unfortunately, I also dropped out of two apprenticeships because I experienced extreme forms of classism and homophobia due to my poverty and non-binary background. Today, I work at Google, live an openly non-binary life, work as an anti-discrimination expert and have received several awards. I speak as an expert to ministries and the world’s largest corporations.

I am also a passionate soccer player. During my time in Munich, I played in Germany’s first gay soccer team and got involved in LGBTQIA+ in sport. Most recently, I founded the association ‘WeSpeakYouDonate’, which campaigns for diversity, and ‘Occtopus’. Occtopus is a company that develops children’s games to uncover prejudices and stereotypes in children and parents. I am also a content creator on LinkedIn and run my own YouTube channel ‘Emres Pink Pillow’.

Giving up was never an option for me. I kept motivating myself and just kept going.

dear emre, thank you very much for YourStory!

I don’t really know when my conscious and arduous journey to myself began. I’m not even sure if that’s the crucial point for this story. When I look back on my life today, I realize that I need and want to make a distinction between the journey towards me as a transgender woman and my life as a trans* woman. This distinction is important to me personally, because life after coming out in 2015 has shaped me as a trans* and queer person much more than anything before.

I became more and more certain that I was not the man the world saw in me and treated me as such. However I couldn’t and didn’t want to deal with these feelings. I pushed back my true identity and forced myself into the classic heteronormative patterns. I married my first wife in my mid-twenties. At that time, I was already a soldier in the German army. I was drafted in 1994 and then decided to become an officer. My life was shaped by two institutions that both saw me as a man and always expected me to be. I was good at suppressing my needs. The lack of trans* role models in society reinforced my need to actively work against my inner self. Shame and disgust towards myself were my constant companions.

I finally broke this pattern in 2015. I couldn’t go on and I didn’t want to. It wasn’t courage, it was desperation. I finally wanted to live. I wanted to be me. This step marked the beginning of the second phase. During the transition, I realized that I could be me, but that this path was also marked by obstacles and a society that was not always accepting. I wanted to be visible to other trans* people. I wanted to be a point of reference for others and I wanted to tell my story. This thought awakened an incredible amount of strength in me. I got more and more involved and slowly became an activist for trans* and queer rights – both in my workplace and outside of society.

Which attributes on me, on my body, confirm me as a woman in the perception of others and which give an indication of my non-cis nature. I am happy to have finally reached the point where I no longer need confirmation from others. For years, the feeling of not being able to exist outwardly as a woman has held me back in my identity. And my non-conformity, my visible expression as gender non-conforming, does not take away my womanhood.

I’m Anastasia, 49, colorful, loud and queer. I’m a unicorn in camouflage and I fight to the utmost for the cause I believe in. Revolution instead of evolution.

dear anastasia, thank you very much for YourStory!

I’m Duke, actually Aaron Duke, but everyone knows me as Duke. The name Aaron comes from my parents. Since I am a trans* man, I was allowed to choose my first names anew and it was important to me that my parents give me my first name again. I am 28, born in Germany and have Chinese roots.

I didn’t know what was wrong with me for a very long time. I was always different and was one of those people who tried everything to belong. When I was 14, I decided to cut off my hair, buy clothes from the boys’ section and finally be more myself. But even that was really difficult. I realized I was a man, but wondered what makes a man and what men are supposed to be like?

I got lost in a wave of toxic masculinity. Wanted to be strong, wanted to be big, wanted to be a man. Am I a man now? People misgendered me, didn’t understand what I wanted to portray, judged and ridiculed me – I just wanted to be a man.

A man does not cry, a man is not weak, a man does not put on makeup. I had many moments before my transition when I tried to wear makeup. The thought of wearing makeup or nail polish faded more and more with my transition. I am now a man and everyone sees it that way. But are only women allowed to wear makeup? Are only women allowed to wear colorful and glittery things? I have to be honest, I already feel more comfortable in my nondescript, mostly dark clothes. I probably wouldn’t feel comfortable in a dress or with fancy eye shadow. But why not? Why are only women allowed to do that? Why do I feel uncomfortable with it? Because men don’t do that? Because men are always denied that? Because we are ridiculed? Because we are then crazy and unserious?

I’m 28, on testosterone for six years. Breast and uterus removal four years ago. Arrived at my self a few years ago. And yet, my self-discovery is not over.

dear duke, thank you very much for YourStory!

There are certainly a multitude of people and events that have marked, educated, shocked and inspired me. My parents and my family are my primary role models. Fortunately, they tought me essential basics such as courage, respect and humility. They nurtured the roots on which I can grow. My parents certainly knew about my homosexuality before me, but they never asked me the question. Out of modesty, fear or respect, I don’t know. Anyway, I like to think it’s out of love. To tell the truth, I never came out because I was never hidden in the closet.

I am very lucky to have a loving and respectful family. I would like other less fortunate people to access better possibilities.

Today as Doctor of Pharmacy I work at Parexel International as project director for compassionate programs. These programs provide patients with serious or life-threatening conditions access to unapproved products when no comparable alternative treatment options exist – while ensuring patient safety and superior delivery.

Most if not all clinical trials focus on male/female behaviors against drugs for purposes of safety and efficacy and to better dose patients. Failure to collect gender identity information means that there may be certain diseases, conditions and risk factors that we are not aware of. Unfortunately, traditional study structures, the templates we use for protocols and informed consent documents, and the data we collect are often designed in ways that do not address the specific needs and demographics of the transgender community.

Our priority commitment to patients must motivate us to recruit a diverse group of patients that represent our society. Indeed, we develop methods, trainings and documents to promote and improve the enrollment of LGBT*IQ patients in clinical drug trials and compassionate programs. There is a need to educate healthcare professionals to encourage diverse patients to participate in clinical trials, including transgender and non-binary people.

DEAR mano, Thank you very much for YourStory!

X has developed into a platform on which racist, queer- and trans-hostile, anti-Semitic as well as other misanthropic content is becoming more and more widespread. This content is not deleted or prosecuted. Instead, since Elon Musk took over, words like “cis” or “cisgender” are considered offensive.

Musk bought Twitter in October 2022 for 44 billion US dollars and has since laid off more than half of all employees. Instead, he introduced a subscription model in which users receive the blue verification tick in exchange for a monthly or annual payment. Thanks to this, profiles that spread discriminatory content reach an even wider audience.

PROUT AT WORK rejects any form of discrimination and advocates for LGBT*IQ equal opportunities. The foundation creates inclusive spaces where discrimination and prejudice have no place. Therefore, remaining at X is no longer justifiable for PROUT AT WORK.

The PROUT AT WORK Foundation joins the German Federal Anti-Discrimination Agency, the German Trans* Association, the German Society for Transidentity and Intersexuality and many other associations and organizations to set a sign against hate and for diversity.

IInterested people can still find PROUT AT WORK on the social networks Instagram, Facebook and LinkedIn.